Episode 7. Communication Addiction
Communication addiction is hard to write about because its something I’m still in the middle of. You see, I removed all social media from my phone and found myself still HOOKED to refreshing my email apps.
I’d sit there refreshing outlook and gmail like a mad man.
So they had to go too.
I had to unsubscribe to a lot of newsletters. In fact, I actually just burned my outlook and gmail accounts and set up a new proton mail email account a) for better security but also b) a clean slate with no flashy newsletters about stuff I don’t care about, spam emails I read for entertainment, nor job listings that I know I won’t apply to. All of the above I was scraping for dopamine, not of real interest.
I do still have access to my old outlook and gmail accounts. But I only access them from the computer.
Now what am I hooked on?
Refreshing my Signal and WhatsApp apps. I had to delete messenger because it has a ‘stories’ function. I have a little monkey brain that cannot be trusted with its own loneliness. Sound familiar?
And all that with notifications disabled!
The problem here. And we all know it. That little monkey brain doesn’t want to be left in a quiet room with its own thoughts and loneliness. But we have to parent ourselves into that situation, so we can sit with it, breathe through the anxiety and find meaningful things to do vs. chasing any tidbit of dopamine we can find.
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My suggestion here is to try move yourself to intentful communications. I’m in the middle of this, but the more I think about it, we reached peak technology in the 90s and 00s. Lots of stuff since then is pretty over-engineered. It’s why I’m using e-mail to disseminate this blog – email is actually a great communication medium. It solves the inconveniences of sending letters (lost in post, long to write, requiring materials and postage) whilst avoiding the pitfalls of texting (instant gratification, gut reactions, ghosting, poorly parsed thoughts).
Obviously I still text people, but as I’m reaching my late 20s I’m asking myself more and more why and how I am communicating. Am I texting because I’m lonely, or because I want to hear from someone? Is our conversation intentful or should we be calling, or arranging to meet up?
You really can’t get tone to translate well over text. And I have found that creates a really big problem when trying to communicate matters in an important relationship. Words actually only matter so much, how you say something matters a whole lot too. Sometimes more. Your tone, facial expression, attititude, posture and reaction. All these things lost over text, poorly simulated with emojis. Maybe it is the damn phones.
Texts have a place. But I think texting needs to revert to being used to set up calls, writing down stuff to be remembered (i.e. come to this address) and setting up in-person meetings.
So to recap, my experience is mostly centred around making my phone a useful tool and not a distraction. It’s also a place to seperate out your lives (work and personal). So some questions for you today:
Tools and Tips
1) What email apps do you really need on your phone? Do you really need your work emails or can they wait until you have access to your computer? (Yes)
2) Do you really need to have Teams on your phone? (you don’t)
3) Can you set up a second email you use for important things you may need in the moment (tickets, two factor authentication) and just have your other email accessible by computer?
4) Do you really need push notifications for everyone? Can you mute notifications except for important contacts (available in settings, likewise I have WhatsApp muted and Signal unmuted).
5) Can you mute notifications or at least mute the group chats?6) Could you pick up the phone instead of having this conversation over text? Or in-person?